My first Christmas alone.
When I was a child, my family and I would stay up late for an early rise… to attend midnight mass. I would walk inside the church with my eyes half closed, slide into my pew, mesmerized by the poinsettias and advent wreath of pink and purple. The white candle in the middle is lit and shining in honor of Christmas day. The organs would play Silent Night. We’d hum along to the melody. A beautiful start to Christmas.
The day when heaven came down.
This is my first Christmas alone. Without my family by my side. At first, it felt a little sad. A part of me still feels hollow. Like there’s something about this season that is missing.
There are some moments in life where I wish that time would freeze- if not only for a brief moment. Moments where everything in your life lines up so perfectly that you wish you could live in it forever. This part of my life is so wonderful. 25, with nieces and nephews that grow with every blink I take — Adulting but also thriving. Life seems to be moving so fast. It seems like yesterday; we were all quarantined binge-watching Netflix with a mountain of snacks and probably too much toilet paper. But time waits for no one, and both the good and the bad pass just the same. I’m learning that both are a blessing.
There’s something about December that forces you to reflect on this year and years past, make peace with it, and prepare for the coming year. Every year, I set an intention for the year ahead. In 2021, it was fearless. I chopped off all of my hair and flew across the world to lay the foundation of who I wanted to become. In 2022, it was a metamorphosis. Growth takes change. Development takes time. Discipline. Focus. Dreams take consistency. I took a step away from social media to allow myself to observe. To absorb. I am planting seeds in hopes of a sprout in the spring.
This December, oh December. Have I changed? Have I grown? I think I unintentionally forced change upon myself, from environment to country, to city, from sea to shining sea. lol. I think I’m finally growing into myself- I feel good. My body, mind, and spirit. Finally! Not, yet quite the butterfly, but I can feel my wings start to grow. Maybe with a bit of time, I’ll grow strong enough to take flight.
I think this year has taught me patience and the need to remain still. The importance of being still. There is power in roots. I’ve never had those before. I’ll be more fruitful with roots. I hope this coming year will bear fruit. Not just for me but for everyone I encounter.
2023: fruitful
It has a nice ring to it.
Though I am not with family, maybe it is now up to me to create my own traditions. To be fearless and bask in the unknown. To face something and come back renewed, restored, and enlightened… a metamorphosis if you will. And with a bit of water, love, and patience… fruit.
I hope that wherever you are, your days are filled with laughter and joy. That if you’re alone, you find comfort in that. That God is with you always. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Precious Pioneer ❤
