social anxiety, starting new things
Sometimes I feel stressed when going outside. Bumping into strangers and meeting new people causes me to tense up. Entering unfamiliar spaces tends to send waves to my brain, screaming panic. It takes all of my strength to get up and leave my house and not to live life curled up in a ball inside my sheets, dwelling in the comfort of my warm bed, whispering promises of how I’ll try again tomorrow. Somedays, I manage, while other days, I lay frozen, stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and procrastination. I was overwhelmed by fear.
The coronavirus epidemic significantly contributed to the stress of leaving the safety and comfort of my home. At the height of COVID, I remember this unanimous fear of the unknown and the need for self-isolation. To quarantine and be alone. I found comfort in my own space. I became accustomed to making life indoors. The sun would rise and fall, and I would be in my room. I knew how to keep myself occupied, procrastinate on dreams, and allow Netflix streams to fill my timeline. There was this casual addiction of being numb to the scrolling of tiktoks. I’m not the only one because Amazon and Instacart’s success has directly correlated. But, there comes a breaking point: life is outside. By doing. By creating. By interaction. We weren’t meant to live this life alone.
I’ve spent most days trying to create something of my own so I don’t have to clock into my 9–5. A dream where I could live independently, free to do whatever I wanted. But, as I lay in bed during my weekend, I had an epiphany. How do I spend my free time now if I accomplished precisely that? I wanted the freedom to hike, explore, and swim, but now with the free time, I have chosen to do nothing. What’s stopping me from doing everything those things now?
What would I do if I woke up tomorrow free from any obligation?
I would want to meet people. Be a part of something bigger than myself. So maybe this is the revelation, the climax where the main character transitions from being an introvert to a people person — the drama.
I realized very quickly that there is something that’s lost without a community. I was worried about the problems of society that were so much bigger than me. Overwhelmingly large. I’m but one person. There is little that I can contribute on my own. I don’t think we were ever meant to, either. The more I stayed away from people, the more I thought it would bring me happiness to focus on my craft. But, the longer I stayed away, the greater my anxiety about social interactions became. The more significant amount of stress I felt entering new spaces, but if I could force myself to be uncomfortable for a moment, the results could turn out better than I imagined them. With anything in life, we can achieve so much with time, discipline, and practice. To change who we are. To evolve into the person that we want to become.
To get anything you genuinely want out of life, you have to have faith that it’ll all work out for good. Maybe even to take a step out into the unknown. Perhaps even a small leap. May your confidence be more significant than your fear so you can thrive in all aspects of your life. This is hope for you.
Precious Pioneer ❤
